Why We Tolerate Abusive Relationships

psych-quotes:

Why We Tolerate Abusive Relationships

 

When you’re on the outside of an abusive relationship it seems crazy that people put up with it, but when you’re the one in the relationship it’s a whole other story. Being in an abusive relationship, and tolerating it, often has more to do with ourselves rather than the other person. Here are some of the common reasons why we tolerate abusive relationships:

 

·        We stay because we have low self-esteem. We get into relationships with abusive people and stay with them as a result of having low self-esteem. When we don’t think very highly of ourselves we attract people that confirm our beliefs by treating us badly.

·        We think we can change them. In abusive relationships we tend to take on all of the responsibility and burden ourselves. Instead of thinking that the abuser needs to make changes on their own, we think it’s up to us to change them, and we believe that if we were good enough we would be able to. We think if we could just be better ourselves it would make them treat us better. We don’t think we are good enough as we are to motivate them to change.

·        We blame ourselves. Even though the abuser is the one doing the hitting or the name calling, we blame ourselves because our self-esteem has become so diminished. We make excuses for the other person and think that it’s our fault, such as “he wouldn’t hit me if I didn’t make him so mad”. Over time in an abusive relationship our self-esteem can get so low that we assume that everything is our fault.

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